All Wrapped Up At Work

Work was quite exciting today. It's not everyday you find an ancient Egyptian artifact. Ivan and I found a mummy in one of the rooms. We named him Celine Dion, not only because she is an amazing recording artist, but her husband is probably the same age as the mummy. Celine must've been pretty poor because he was put on top of a bed, surrounded by no gold, and wrapped in paper towels. It was weird they had paper towels back in those days, that the mummy had the same glasses as me, and even weirder that nobody had discovered him in that room yet, and my college has been around for a while. But we were glad nobody had discovered him, because we knew finding him and giving him away to a museum or something would get us tons of money, and that would get us tons of chicks.

We called Brendan Fraser and asked if he could come help us bring him back to life. He told us he was busy making some new shitty movie. He also told us he knew nothing about mummies, and that he was just acting in those movies. I replied with "I didn't know you could act." Then he hung up. So we ending up looking online how to bring Celine back to life. Apparently pinching his nipples did the trick. The first thing he did after he was awoken was he went to the bathroom. He noticed his reflection in the mirror, and at this point he probably started thinking about how bad the wrapping job was, and that everyone he knew was gone.

We then took Celine out into the hallway and told him all about the things that have happened since he passed away. It took forever. We told him about all of the wars, and about technology, and about the rise and fall of Lindsay Lohan. We also told him about how what he was buried in what was now used to wipe asses and clean up messes. I think this is where he lost it.

Celine then went back into the room. He said he needed alone time, but we didn't trust him alone, so we went in with him. He then busted out of his outfit and ran out of the room. We tried to run after him, but he was pretty fast, and we drank the night before so we couldn't catch up to him.

I asked Ivan where he thought Celine was going to, and he replied "I don't know, probably to Burger King, because he must be hungry." I told Ivan the hats there would probably confuse him.

I was clearly more upset that we just lost our new pet and our new way to get money and chicks, so I looked up and yelled "why!" I didn't know why I was yelling that, but they do it in the movies and it felt like the right thing to do.

After a few minutes of realizing we would have to find another way to get money and chicks we realized the joke was on Celine. People would've been really interested in him and thought he was a mummy, until he told them what his name was. So by now Celine is probably in a white room with four white walls, and he thought his outfit before was tight on him.